Parents as Partners in Catholic Education

by Timothy Mullner

“I love my students. It’s the parents that drive me crazy.” So began the conversation with a new third-grade teacher about the challenges of expanding her Catholic-school teaching into the home.

Many parents today come to the Catholic school with a mentality which is missing one key ingredient: a sense of partnership. For some parents, Catholic education seems to revolve around two primary questions: 1. When is the tuition check due? and 2. What time do I pick up my kids?

In a consumer culture, Catholic education may be seen as a product to be purchased rather than a partnership between the family, school, and entire parish community. For busy parents driven by success and social status, academic excellence and forming Catholic identity may be seen as the school’s responsibility: “After all, what am I writing those tuition checks for anyway?”

Don’t Forget to Remember

Thanks be to God for the rich tradition of Church teaching that reminds us about the vital and central role parents play in the faith formation of their children. St. Paul wrote these words to the Church at Ephesus, “Fathers (and mothers) do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). The Second Vatican Council gave us a powerful image and mantra in its Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, “The family is, so to speak, the domestic church. In it parents should, by their word and example, be the first preachers of the faith to their children” (Lumen Gentium, #11). And finally, the National Directory for Catechesis (NDC) drives the point home:

Parents are the most influential agents of catechesis for their children. They have a unique responsibility for the education of their children; they are the first educators, or catechists. They catechize primarily by the witness of their Christian lives and by their love for the faith (p. 234, emphasis added).

The Witness of With-ness!

I’ll never forget the frozen winter morning in suburban Minnesota when I came to a stop sign and noticed the car next to me. Dad was busy driving with a rechargeable razor to his face, mom was applying her makeup by the dim light of the visor mirror, middle-school “Junior” was in the backseat exercising his thumbs with a video game, and senior-high “Sis” was frantically completing her homework on a small laptop computer.

The challenge for Catholic educators today is to slow down this “Little House on the Freeway” and engage each family member in developing their faith and Catholic identity. While parents and children may spend time in proximity with each other, how can we support them in truly being with each other on the journey of faith?

Does your school invite parents to reflect on their role as primary catechist? How? When? Do parent association meetings, boards, and committees include time for personal storytelling and faith sharing around the Sunday readings? Do your teachers understand the individual family dynamic each student faces such as recent geographic moves, blended families, single-parent families, intergenerational families, and the unique challenges of divorce and shared custody? Does your school offer parent-student faith formation that goes beyond the tear-out family page of the current religion series?

The more we know about a student’s parents or guardians, the more we can offer creative ways to maximize the precious little time families spend together on the way to sports, music, Scouts, dance, etc. All good things, but each one a potential distraction to the important task of being together and sharing our Catholic faith.

Reclaim the Kitchen Table

One recent trend in expanding the school’s partnership with parents is to reclaim the kitchen table. More and more schools are asking families to do something truly rare: Eat together!

One recent study indicated that the average father spends a mere 22 minutes per week in conversation with his children. Changing that means going beyond “Hi, how are you?” to “Tell me about your day,” or “What was the best thing that happened today?” With the pressure of double incomes and extracurricular activities, the kitchen table has become a casualty of the cultural war in America. It’s time to slow down and rattle the pots and pans. Catholic schools can help.

A growing number of schools are using the weekly parent folders as more than a communication or fundraising tool. This hands-on delivery method is becoming a resource that expands the faith formation of the classroom into the home. In addition to weekly schedules and campus news, families are being given ethnic and liturgical season menu ideas that support local and seasonal foods (see www.SlowFoodUSA.org). Recipes that pass on local food traditions or invite family faith sharing are helping the “Little House” to slow down and rekindle a connection at the kitchen table.

One father expressed his joy when the entire family agreed to eat together at least three times per week. They had also committed to making Sunday a day when the family would try its hardest to limit outside distractions, and unnecessary shopping and actually check in with each other. This delighted dad offered a powerful insight about cooking with his junior-high son by saying, “You know it’s tough to argue when my son’s helping in the kitchen with a paring knife in his hands.” A guilt-relieving chuckle followed as he opened up about the family stories which surfaced simply by preparing a meal together. If you serve, they will come!

Other schools are supplying families with mealtime prayers and rituals for use throughout the week. Teachers are helping families integrate the week’s faith formation topic with refrigerator magnets and assessment pages to help parents review the scripture, doctrine, prayer, or social justice teaching taught that week. Resources like the USCCB’s “Car Chat” have even helped to make the daily commute a time of check-in, prayer, and faith-sharing.

After dinner, web-savvy students are begining to take tech-impaired parents on internet tours of the catechetical curriculum used in the school. Major catechetical publishers provide free, online, interactive games, open-ended stories, and parent newsletters that help guilty moms and dads reclaim their role as primary catechists. Each of these sites offers the weekly Sunday readings to connect the school’s faith formation efforts with the Sunday assembly and liturgical catechesis. Many parents admit their relief with this child-guided/school-directed faith formation because, for too many, their religious education ended with Confirmation.

Partnership: A Contract for the Future!

For the school-parent partnership to be effective is has to be explicit. Yes, I said explicit. Look it up: “free of vagueness,” “to be clear, “to make known.” When parents enroll their children at “Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility School,” is a Parent Partnership Form, or Family Covenant, made available? Do you outline exactly what the school, faculty, staff, and curriculum will provide for each student? Do you then explain the role each parent will play in the education and faith formation process that year? Does this 50-50 agreement include a clear list of expectations, including presence at the Sunday parish assembly, school conferences, large group events, or liturgies?

Does your school make clear to parents how they will be supported, including access to outside agencies and services that can help with learning disabilities or medical/psychological conditions, or how to access support for family issues like consumer debt, drug addiction, employment training, etc.?

Do you ask families to make a commitment to this ongoing involvement by signing the partnership or covenant form? And before they sign, are they invited to reflect on the time, talent, and treasure they are being called to share with the school community and their children at home? This kind of vocation discernment fosters good stewardship. It ensures that parents find a good fit in the school system, allowing them to minister out of their gifts and not out of guilt—commonly called “the gift that keeps on giving!”

Put the FUN Back Into Dysfunctional

Reminding families of their primary role in shaping Catholic identity and inviting them to partner with the school is no easy task. But we can make it more enjoyable.

We can begin by admitting that our pursuit of academic excellence and strong Catholic identity through a deeply lived faith will not be perfect. As administrators, classroom teachers, and school volunteers we will continue to make mistakes. So lighten up!

Let’s put the FUN back into dysfunctional by admitting that sin will rear its head and humanity will come to the fore. But we can practice the kind of partnership that allows room for mistakes, welcomes differing personalities, and applauds the wide variety of gifts school families have to share.

Parents will be more likely to partner with the school if they see a culture of joy and hope, and experience a campus where reconciliation and forgiveness prevail. Like the prodigal child in Luke’s Gospel (chapter 15), many families have yet to “come to their senses” (vs. 17a) or truly dig in to the richness of the Catholic education their children are experiencing. If we keep inviting, if we keep offering, one by one the partnerships will increase.

By being explicit in our commitment to partnering with parents, the school will foster a culture of invitation and one of responsibility. Our attitude as Catholic educators has to mirror that of the parent in the story of the prodigal child: “And while he was still far off, his father (and mother, and school administration, and classroom teachers) looked at him with love.” (vs. 20 paraphrase) Growing partnerships with school families is worth the effort and something we can’t do alone. It takes a commitment from the entire faculty and staff, but the benefits are lifelong and eternal. Just remember not to try it alone. After all, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto!

Timothy Mullner serves as the general manager for Benziger Publishing, at Macmillan/McGraw-Hill. Benziger is the oldest Catholic publisher since 1792.

Source: Today's Catholic Teacher, August/September 2006